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Each year, early in December, we invade Gilly’s nightclub in downtown Dayton to get a jump on the holidays. The focus is on keeping things in perspective and that means not taking any of it too seriously.

Rudolph discusses his theory of flight with Orville Wright.
“The magic word is warped.” says the red-nosed expert.

A twisted take on Tiny Tim and Bob Cratchit

Photo by Andy Snow

Pictured here, The Cowgirl Rockettes high-kicked and howdied to Rick Good’s original Christmas song When Santa Claus Comes to Texas at our annual Yuletide celebration at Gilly’s on December 2nd & 3rd, 2005. The program featured our special guests The Smarty Pants Theater Company and The Corndaddys.

Every holiday season, from somewhere—the dark side of the moon perhaps—come creatures curiously caroling with Boomwhackers.

“Yo ho my boys, no more work tonight!”

The ever-popular ADD Duet reprised their act, this past year correctly diagnosed and properly medicated. The totally focused duo sang Rick’s parody, Scooter the Scapegoat, to the delight of those audience members possessing a sense of humor. If you fall under that category, read on. The intro and outro are sung to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” the rest of the song is sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman.”

Scooter the Scapegoat
words by Rick Good - copyright 2005
New Standards Publishing, BMI

You’ve heard of Erlichman, Haldeman,
Nixon and John Dean
Cheney and Dubya, and Rummy and Condi
Now let us recall the most recent rascal of all

Scooter the Scapegoat is one unhappy soul
Cheney’s chief of staff ’til he got the shaft
He’ll be lucky if he gets parole

Scooter the Scapegoat is a bald-faced liar they say
He’s the one they blamed when Valerie Plame
Got outed at the CIA

Although indicted on five counts
He’ll never go to trial
He’ll cop some plea before we see

It was Cheney all the while

Scooter the Scapegoat, now he has to pay the price
For his Haliburton ties and his endless lies
For the President of Vice

instrumental break (whistle if you like)

It won’t seem much like Christmas
After all, it was a crime
But hey, guess what, he can write more smut
While he’s doin’ time

Scooter the Scapegoat, he’s nothing like you and me
He’s the VP’s pet and you can bet
He’ll get immunity

(One way or the other) He’ll go down in history…

It’s funny. We hit the road like tatooed truckers and by the time we were through it feels like we’re really through; like we’ll need a year off from touring. As it turns out, it didn’t take near that long before we all feel the urge to start rolling again.

These days, a mere week on the road isn’t enough to scare the static out of a CB radio. Not that the two-day drive to our first gig didn’t jog memories of sore bottoms and stiff necks. Nor did that first motel fail to meet our expectations concerning stale air and bad movies. It’s just that, once all the details are reigned in, the truck is unloaded, and the lights and sound are up and running, we’re finally doing what we love to do. The curtain opens, the show begins and for the next two hours it’s all worth it.

We loaded out after a final rehearsal on Saturday and hit the road. The truck is packed with costumes, shoe bags, musical instruments and sound equipment. Piloting the vehicle is our three man tech crew Keith Thornhill, Chad Penix and Dennis Dugan. There’d be no dancing to watch nor music to hear without their expert handling of sound and lights.

With a digital camera and a laptop computer, we hope to document the most newsworthy and interesting aspects of touring. We’re booked these next seven weeks by Community Concerts of New York City. They have a roster of artists and a nationwide membership of presenters. For more than sixty years Community Concerts has been contributing in this way to the cultural life of small towns all over the country.

In his capacity as Road Manager, Malkum is also Head Packer (and some of the heads in this company can get pretty big). Naturally, every new town requires unpacking for the show and re-packing when it’s over. Malkum says that packing time is about thirty minutes once you assemble all the gear. He must feel some days like he’s hand-cuffed to the truck.

Here is Malkum’s list of truck inventory:
17 pieces of sound equipment, all large
86 different musical instruments, including 20 rhythm instruments and 43 harps.
9 shoe bags with an average of 6 pairs in each
44 prop items, including 15 folding chairs, 3 stools, an umbrella and an assortment of juggling equipment
13 costume bags, one box and two rolling racks
2 ironing boards and 2 irons
8 boxes of CDs and tapes
5 dozen tee shirts
1 box of newsletters
1 dolly and 1 cart to move all this stuff
2 large boxes of lighting instruments and 1 box of color gels
6 assorted boxes of tools, tape, drills and repairaphaphenilia
2 boxes of intercom equipment
1 bag of ten, eight and three pound weights and other exercise equipment
20 personal suitcases
10 food boxes and an assortment of small appliances: hot pots, rice cookers, toasters, coffee makers and microwave steamers
2 bicycles

It looks like we’re ready to go. Westward ho the wagons!

To get to Mesa Verde, Colorado, we drove north through the stark, imposing landscape of the Four Corners area and legendary Shiprock.

As the desert gave way to increasingly higher and greener land, we entered the land of the ancestral Puebloans; a people called Anasazi by the Navaho. For more than 700 years they lived and flourished on top the mesas, growing enough beans, corn and squash to feed themselves, and export the surplus to their people’s largest village, due south in Chaco Canyon.

According to our learned tour guide, Ranger James Atkinson, years of farming depleted the land and timber became more scarce. Further darkening the scene was the diminishing game and, as tree ring studies have shown, a prolonged drought that lasted more than twenty years. In short, a combination of over-production, over-population and changing climate changed life for the Anasazi forever. Fate forced them down from the exposed mesa tops to the shelter of the cliffs below.

Spruce Tree House, as this particular sight is now called, was one of the largest cliff dwellings in Mesa Verde. It had 114 rooms and eight kivas. Kiva is a Hopi word for ceremonial room. It is most commonly round, as pictured here. Between the years of 1100 and 1300, the cliff dwellings scattered throughout Mesa Verde were home to several thousand people.

The builders fit their structures to the available space, constructing single course walls of hand hued stone. Many of the rooms were plastered on the inside and decorated with painted designs. Approximately 100 to 125 people lived at Spruce Tree House.

When the population left Mesa Verde, it was abruptly and completely. They took only what they could carry over the rough terrain, leaving their homes and most of their possessions seemingly untouched. Because of this, there has been much conjecture about their sudden disappearance - some of it including the presence of evil spirits, or even alien intervention.

Ranger Atkinson assured us there is no mystery. In fact, he says, it would be wise to accept the sobering truth. Current conditions across the globe, exhibit the same patterns of over-production, over-population and changing climate. We are repeating the mistakes of the Anasazi but, where they were not aware of what they were doing, we should know better.

We were very happy that we extended our trip to include Mesa Verde, but as Thanksgiving Day approached and many hundreds of miles stood between us and home, we still had the Rocky Mountains with which to contend.

Pictured here is the town of Silverton, so packed in the mountains, even its proximity (as the crow flies, that is) to major ski resorts, like Telluride, doesn’t threaten its remoteness. With dirt streets and old storefronts, it still looks like a western town of old.

As the sun sunk slowly in the west we turned our backs to it and drove and drove and drove…

Once again Rhythm in Shoes traverses the country and I seek out the best eateries of each region. Here are some of my favorites:

Missoula, MT was a refreshing blast of progressive culture as we moved West across the plains states. Red Pies Over Montana is a New York-style Italian restaurant. The place smelled great when we walked in and it was packed on a Tuesday night, which I took as a good sign. Then, I found a rarity on the menu: humanely-raised veal.

I haven’t ordered veal for twenty years, since I learned that in order to produce whiter and more tender meat, the young animals are kept in such tight quarters that they literally can’t move, and in some cases are kept in ill health and anemic. I’d heard that there were producers who didn’t use these methods, but I’d never actually seen it on a menu before. So I ordered Veal Pizziola: veal cutlets in marinara sauce with long strips of peppers and onions, on spaghetti. It was tender and delicious, and the Caesar Salad that preceded it was fresh and tasty. Our waitress was wonderfully attentive and prompt, especially considering how busy they were.
Rating: 3 SHOES

As we crossed Eastern Washington I was surprised by the number of Mexican restaurants we were seeing, until I realized we were in a major agricultural valley. After sound check in Kinniwick, WA we all went to a place the tech crew had found the previous evening, Cinco de Mayo, on Clearwater.

On entering we encountered several walls covered in snapshots of patrons wearing the Birthday Sombrero. The menu was nicely designed and displayed as impressive range of Mexican dishes, far beyond the familiar Tex-Mex standards.

To start, we were brought endless baskets of homemade tortilla chips, light and not at all greasy, and two salsas. They were both excellent but I preferred the chunkier hot salsa.

At my table, Sharon ordered the Pollo Poblano, a charbroiled breast in a sauce of poblano chilies, chocolate, spices, and apple. The flavor was intriguing, fruity but not cloying. Rick had the Chicken Mole Verde, with a sauce that included pumpkin seeds and “milk spices.” It, too, had a sweetness to it, and was entirely different from Sharon’s.

I had Camarones Cuautitlan, a dish from Jalisco. Shrimp were sauteed with butter, broccoli, spinach, green peppers, and onions, then cooked in a spicy red sauce. It was exquisite, with complex flavors, and my favorite of the three. All were served with some of the most flavorful rice and refried beans I’ve tasted. The homemade corn tortillas were also exceptionally light, tender, and tasty. Everything I tried was out-of-the-ordinary. And the service was excellent: fast, friendly, and thorough.
Rating: A strong 5 SHOES.

Honorable Mention and a really big Shoe goes to Jack’s in Dickinson, ND, for their delicious borscht. In addition to beets it contained cabbage and other vegetables as well as cream. Jack’s is a small-town luncheonette and the rest of the menu was fairly plain middle-American fare, but the borscht was our one taste of Dickenson- Ukrainian heritage.

In Portland, OR, several of us had lunch at Jake’s Famous Crawfish Restaurant on SW 12th Ave. before our show at “the Schnitz.” It was a real treat. Both the lunch and dinner menus are printed daily, and the variety of regional seafood that was offered was mind-boggling. I was especially struck by the list of items that were available that day: 5 kinds of oysters, 15 kinds of fish, plus clams, crawfish, crabs, lobster, abalone, mussels, and scallops, all listed by place of origin.

I had an appetizer of pan-fried Goosepoint oysters, which were light and crisp and exceptionally sweet and tender. My entree was Grilled Ahi Tuna (from Hawaii),Yucatan Style. The fish was served sitting on a bed of spicy peppers, tomatoes, and onions. On one side, there was a mound of rice and on the other a stack of bright whole green beans with a strip of pimento across it. The fish was extremely tender and flavorful, the beans crisp and sweet. When I requested red-skin potatoes in place of rice, they were brought graciously.

My companions ordered the Northwest Salmon Saute, with mushrooms, hazelnuts, and berries, and the Grilled Washington Salmon with Herb Buerre Blanc. Everything was exceptional.
Rating: An unconditional 5 SHOES.

The very longest one-day drive of the tour was from The Dales, OR, (East of Portland near the Columbia Gorge) to Ukiah, CA, a bit North of San Francisco. It was a good 14 plus hours, and our one planned stop was the Olive Pit in Corning, CA, the “Olive Capital of the World,” This is a wonderful store not just for the diversity of olives and other specialty foods, but because there are many jars open and available for tasting. These include a large selection of olive oils, vinegars, jams, sauces, pickled garlic, nuts of every type and flavor, dried fruit, as well as some cookware, olive oil soap, etc.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

After a visit to the 1200 year-old California redwood trees in Montgomery Woods, followed by a romp on the beach near the Mendocino Headlands, Evie and I had dinner at the Mendocino Cafe, on Meredith St. It is a small, tastefully artsy dining room with a highly decorated bathroom—stenciled flowers, trompe l’oeil windows with views of the local hills, and a door painted to look like a redwood trunk.

Even their business card is a multi-color work of art. The menu presented such an enticing array of dishes that choosing was difficult, but we decided to start off with clams and mussels steamed with wine. They were served drained, with a cup of broth and melted butter for dipping. The clams were sweet and succulent, the mussels slightly less so, but very fresh tasting. They were very garlicky, but not overwhelmingly so, which was fine with us, and the broth was so flavorful that I went through a second basket of bread using the broth as a dip.

For my entree, I ordered one of the specials: wild local salmon sauteed with mushrooms, ginger, and garlic in a soy oyster sauce, served with garlic mashed potatoes and sliced zucchini and onions sauteed in garlic. It was a garlic lover’s heaven. The salmon was pleasantly crunchy around the edges and slightly glazed with the sauce, while being so delicate in the center it melted in my mouth. It was smothered with a variety of sliced mushrooms. The flavor again was incredibly fresh and woodsy with an Asian touch.

Evie had the Delhi curry bowl with tofu, which she said was excellent, but as soon as our food came, she wished she had my salmon. I didn’t try anything from their wine list, as I needed to drive us back through the windy high country roads to Ukiah, but they looked local and very interesting. As did the list of in-house desserts, which were strong on multi-fruit pastries. This was a most enjoyable culmination to a wondrous day-trip.
Rating: 4 ½ SHOES

On our drive from Ukiah to San Luis Obispo, we stopped for a meal in Gilroy, CA, “Garlic Capital of the World,” and stumbled upon Giannecchini’s because the sidewalk in front of it smelled so good.

This is a one-man show, and I assume the man was G. himself. The room was a former old-time pharmacy. Now the ceiling was painted sky-blue with clouds, and the shelves along both walls were displaying jars of Garlic Festival pickled garlic, garlic powders and rubs, etc.

G. was a wonderful host: taking our order at the counter, going back into the kitchen to cook our meals on a 2-burner Coleman stove, serving us, and sitting at the next table to visit with his friends who were in for a drink.

I had Pasta Calabrese: fresh tomatoes, broccoli, onion, spicy red peppers, and zucchini, sauteed with white wine and olive oil and served over mostaccioli. Oh, and of course, garlic. The pasta could have been more al dente, but the sauce was zesty, homey, and absolutely delicious without being the least bit pretentious.
Rating: 3 SHOES

On my first evening in San Luis Obispo I walked throughout the lively downtown area and two restaurants caught my eye. I eventually had opportunities to try both and was not disappointed.

The Big Sky Cafe, on Broad St. describes its fare as “modern food.” Its dining room has an airy,open feeling, and there was music by Dr. John and Billie Holiday playing to compliment the atmosphere. The menu was full of creative, fresh salads, soups, seafoods, and sandwiches. I finally chose the Salad Nicoise.

Theirs is not the familiar tuna and hard-boiled egg version. This was a piece of freshly grilled sea bass on a bed of greens with roasted red-skinned potatoes and marinated green beans and sweet red pepper strips on the side. The fish was cooked to perfection, very tender and mild-flavored, with the excellent vinaigrette as an embellishment.

The marinated vegetables were crunchy and sweet and just slightly, pleasantly tart. The salad was accompanied by a couple of small breads, one a corn muffin that was a bit too sweet and oily for my taste, and a very nice crusty dinner roll. A very satisfying lunch.
Rating: 4 1/2 SHOES

Buona Tavola, on Monterey St., is a small, elegant Italian place. One can sit on the outdoor patio or in the cozy dining room, with impressionist paintings on the wall and bottles of wine displayed on the back counter. We started out with a bottle of one of those wines: 1996 Merlot from Wild Horse, a local winery.

My salad of mixed baby greens with vinaigrette was topped with curlicues of shaved fennel stalks, a novel and tasty garnish. The Caesar was topped with large shavings of exceptional Parmesan cheese, which I got to eat because one of my companions didn’t want cheese. My entree was house-made Piemontese ravioli stuffed with scampi in a lightly spicy tomato sauce. This may well be the best pasta I have ever eaten. The ravioli wrappers were thin and tender, with a delicious shrimp filling and alight sauce with just a little bite to it. I wanted it to last forever. One of my best meals ever.
Rating: 5 SHOES PLUS

As we waited for our table in Azuma, on Figueroa St. in Santa Barbara, we were impressed by the array of framed awards this unpretentious Sushi restaurant has won over the years. We soon saw why.

Most of us, myself included, ordered the sushi special. It started with a bowl of very tasty miso soup, which contained some wonderful very dark greens. Next, we each had a large basket of tempura and a bowl of dipping sauce. There were two jumbo shrimp, broccoli, winter squash, two asparagus spears, and a slice of some unidentified round, white, sweet, starchy vegetable. They were all delicious, although the crust was a little more oily than I care for.

Then came the sushi platter: 6 slices of California roll, filled with real crab meat salad and topped with bright orange roe, and 6 slices of Spiced Tuna Roll. This was very fine sushi and excellent service. Plus there was a bonus: when the cashier learned that we were all the way from Ohio (and that we knew it meant “good morning” in Japanese) she gave us a tin of local butter crunch candy as a gift. Dessert!
Rating: 4 SHOES

There are a lot of places in Santa Barbara to buy coffee and pastry, but I lucked onto Napoleon on State St. Their cases were full of trays of absolutely gorgeous French pastries, morning pastries, breads and salads.

It was hard to narrow my choices down to four pastries and a croissant, and even then I felt a bit silly with my box of bakery goods in the van the next morning. I ate the almond croissant for breakfast the next day, and while it was deliciously buttery and flaky, the almond paste filling was mysteriously absent. A bit disappointing.

The Chocolate Bell is a mound of chocolate mousse on a disk of shortbread, glazed with chocolate ganache and decorated with a pinch of gold leaf and 2 fans of chocolate speckled with gold. I gave it to Malkum on his birthday, and the word is that it was wonderful.

The Tiramisu tasted similar to others I’ve had, but it was definitely the most beautiful: a long rectangular slice, the cream topping combed in a ½ inch scallop, dusted with cocoa, labeled with as oval plaque of white chocolate with the word “tiramisu” stamped in ornate brown letters.

The two other pastries are equally beautiful and delicious, one of chocolate mousse flavored with orange, the other mocha mousse. If I lived in Santa Barbara I’d gain fifty pounds trying everything they make at Napoleon. I guess it’s better I don’t.
Rating: 5 SHOES

Volume 1

Here we are, back out on the road again and our first stop was St. Louis. It is famous for the Gateway Arch which is over 600 feet tall. We took a tram to the top that was kinda like a ferris wheel. The compartment was four and a half feet t